A 999 story on 090909

Before 090909 draws to a close, at least in my part of the world, I must tell my 999 story for posterity.

When the children were very small and like most small children, they took quite a fascination to the phone, making pretend calls and receiving pretend calls -things like that. I used to call them numerous times a day from the office, even before they could speak, just so they could listen to my voice. So, suffice to say, they got very attached to the phone quite early.

Anyway, back to their fascination with the phone, one of them started stabbing her chubby fingers on the buttons and unwittingly, a call went through to the emergency service several times. The efficient officer at the end of the line of course couldn't dismiss the call as just a prank call and had to investigate, especially when she heard a child's voice. Thus, that was when I got a call asking me all sorts of details. She very sternly warned me to make sure that the phone was out of reach of the children as they could very well be blocking other emergency calls coming in. Well, that is understandable.

There was another incident, when another child, which shall remain nameless here, called the police because the father had not come home at the expected time., as promised to him. Again, we got reprimanded by the police. Oh well, these are children, but according to one report today, the police had to warn people - adults- not to waste their time dialling 999 for some very trivial complains. And here are some of them. and more here:

-One man rang 999 to say two squirrels were fighting in his back garden,

-a couple who had handcuffed themselves together "for a joke" rang to inform police they had lost the key.

-a woman who was having a problem with her knitting dialled 999,

- a woman driving on the M1, who wanted to know the time.

- a man rang South Yorkshire Police to request they deal with the birds singing on his roof because he could not get any sleep.

- the Thames Valley force said it had been contacted about ghost stories, Elvis sightings and requests for taxis.

- a man with smelly feet called for an ambulance as the odour was making him feel nauseous.

_ a man at a restaurant who had found a hair in his food .

-in Dubai, recent queries have included whether a certain brand of bottled water is healthy or not, how to check the credit on a mobile phone and advice on where to find a lost dog.

Happy 090909

And here's my 7777 story on 070707:
Did you know that today is 0 70707?

Gangguan

Being a freelance, I tend to find myself in different places doing a lot of different things in different settings. I could be sitting in a courtroom of the Old Bailey or enjoying a spot of polo in the suburbs of London or in a hundred year old castle in a far flung corner of the British Isles. And these would lend myself to different situations, every time.

Carrying on with Puteri Kamariah’s spooky thread, where she narrates with the skills of a penglipur lara to an audience with spookier stories to tell, I would like to tell of my own story of ‘gangguan’, which coincidentally happened only yesterday.

It was to be an early morning call and after subuh, I braved the cold autumn wind to a studio I remember I had the pleasure of working in before. I remember very clearly, it was situated near the canal and quite close to a Muslim cemetery. These days, I take mental note of things like this.

After introducing myself to people that I had to work with, I settled down to prepare myself physically and mentally to do the task assigned by an agent.

In spite of the temperature dipping very fast outside, the small studio I was in was quite warm and I began to perspire. It was not like the usual studios that I am accustomed to – but good enough to do the job at hand.

Flipping through the scripts, I felt a strange feeling coming from the pit of my stomach, one that would engulf my whole being with an intensity that made me perspire even more. But time was ticking and time is money – for the agent and for the owner of the studio, who I could see from the glass panel dividing us.

This feeling would come and go. But I persevered as a professional should and would, leaping over the most difficult words and terms effortlessly, defying even those that would challenge my tongue into doing a trip that I am most notoriously known for….spoonerism. But every fifteen minutes or so, I could feel the strange feeling again. And most times, it would make its presence heard.

Beads of sweat started to appear on my forehead and I signalled to the studio manager to give me a five, which he kindly did. We were to do this several times as the ‘gangguan’ became very frequent.

“Don’t worry,” said the studio manager, eyeing the clock and calculating mentally the hours and pounds that he would get from the delay and extended studio time.

“Take your time,” he added, sounding somewhat eerily, like an accomplice in a bad horror movie.

Even after the fresh cup of tea that he made me, I still felt uncomfortable, but I soldiered on, pages after pages, and people who listened to this recording, would not have suspected anything.

During one of the breaks, the agent burst through the door and I intimated to her what I was experiencing. She looked at me sympathetically and whispered, “Don’t worry. The French voice over artiste in the next studio is experiencing the same thing.”

So, it wasn’t just me. But it still didn’t make me feel any better.

When the session was over, the studio manager and I sat down and checked the recording before I scooted off to another assignment.

And lo and behold, the strange feeling that had been disturbing me throughout the three-hour session was clear for all to hear.

“Yes, we get this a lot especially during early morning recording sessions. People coming in without or with little breakfast. The stomach growls and rumbles. So, there is nothing to worry about. It is quite natural”.

Kak Teh's strange encounters:

The Polo'ing Experience

The Tongue Tripper

Haunting Memories

Selingan

Work is piling up yet I have to destress, kan? So I took to doing scrapblogging with a vengeance! This will be the selingan for now. I did this (when I should be working) using www.scrapblog.com Try it!



I love this one of Nona and her cousin Wani jumping over the Tajmahal when they were in India.


This is one of sibling revelry in Geneva recently.



This is a postcard I made for our loved ones left behind. Ingat jugak, kan?



And this - you can look but musn't laugh! Featuring Charlie's Angels in "The Great Swiss Escapade"!! Don't miss it! Coming to a cinema near you!

My half full glass...

Sometimes when I look at my glass I think that it is half empty. It is only human, I guess. I read about jetsetting people and their lifestyle, their entourage of helpers and aides and thought hard (with self pity fast setting in) and then I look into my mug of Aik Chong teh tarik, yes, my mug is indeed half empty.

But as the teh tarik settled, and with its sweetness still lingering at the back of my throat, I thought – no, I DO have my fair share of life’s blessings.

I’ve read about celebrities and their personal trainers, those hunks with rippling muscles who make sure that the celebs are in good shape and I realise, hey, I too have a personal trainer.

“Mama, I’ve prepared the treadmill (read: cleared the coats and jackets hanging on it) and you should start at 3 and slowly move up to five for about half an hour. I have also downloaded some songs on the I-Pod (read: Alleycats with some of their fast numbers) so that you can enjoy while you are exercising.”

There you go – a personal trainer sans rippling muscles. The same one who makes sure that I don’t slide into a Cleopatra reclining position after a meal, especially dinner.

People have personal financial advisors. I have a few around me who have an interest in my financial affairs. They take a keen personal interest in the state of my bank account almost on a daily basis and especially so at the end of the month.

Mama, says one poking her head into the room, do you have any money?

Mama, says another looking deep into my bag, do you have any change?

And I shouldn’t really be complaining because I have always had a resident dietitian/nutritionist and a physician all rolled into one.

Eat the vegetables, he says. He’s the same one who reminds me ten times a day to take my vitamins and garlic pills for all kinds of ailments, and carefully wraps them in foils for me to take on long journeys away from home. No Maggie mee, nor tuna chunks or farmed salmon. And no anything with colourings and suspicious looking E numbers. He scrutinises all food labels at supermarkets before putting them in the trolley.

My in-house fashion gurus need only to raise one perfectly plucked eyebrow or a tsk-tsk and a click of the tongue to send me scurrying off to change from my usually drab black/brown attire to something less black/brown.

And that is not all – I have my very own GPS trackers: Mama, where are you? Where exactly are you? If you are anywhere near Boots, can I have shampoo, contact lens cleanser, etc, etc…

So, you see, I am truly blessed!

But what about you? Is your glass half full or half empty?

A time to be silly

****I am having so much fun reading all your contributions! Thank you! Still too busy to update but not too busy to read your comments and contributions to list of names parents give their children.*****

So, we now know why Nicole Kidman named her baby Sunday Rose - her father was inspired by artist Sidney Nolan's muse Sunday Reed. So, no more speculations or jokes about it, OK? Well, not until she goes to school and starts having to fill in forms and what nots. Can you imagine telling people, Hi, I am Sunday Rose.

Anyway, this name reminds me of a friend who is no longer with us. We were in the office one afternoon when I heard him arguing with someone on the phone.
He received a call from someone who said he was Rabu. I then heard him say "I am Khamis" as he was indeed Khamis Ahmad, a Berita Harian journalist based in Penang. Rabu apparently thought that Khamis was pulling his leg and was slighted. So, that is just one problem Sunday might encounter.

Do parents really think when they name their children? A neighbour decided to name her son Sirhan after the assasinator and a cousin named his child Hospi because that's his only child born in the hospital.

Well, another one before I go back to my work.

Was telling someone about how in Terengganuspeak, words ending with n, are always pronounced with ng - as in makang, ikang, etc. Apparently the sultans of both Terenggangu and Kedah (this is a long time ago) had a bet and the one who loses will lose the G. Kedah lost and thus we have kucin, anjin, kunin, etc.

But this friend narrated another hilarious story about how the Portuguese changed their mind about conquering Kedah. After they had taken over Malacca, they set their sights on Kedah and sent several spies to do some intelligence work. The report they received wasn't very good.

"It was easy to take over Malacca. They had only Hang Tuah, Hang Jebat, Hang Lekir Hang Lekiu and Hang Kasturi. In Kedah, they have thousands of Hangs!!
Hang Loklak, Hang Bodoh, Hang Samseng, Hang Tak Senonoh...etc!

OK, OK! I promise to come back with a more serious story soon!

Do you know that today is 07-07-07?

“Do you know,” said a voice from behind her, “that today is 7-7-77?”

“Oh, really?” replied the young lass as she looked up from her old trusty typewriter, the intro in mid sentence, her heart missing a beat and looked appreciatively as if that piece of information was the most important announcement since man landed on the moon.

It was the beginning of what was to be a series of Do you know….? For not long after that , before she knew it, the lass found herself swept off her feet to a foreign land that was to be their home for the next thirty years and more.

“Do you know,” said the familiar voice again, “that today is the shortest day of the year?” It was 21st December 1979 and what must have been the coldest day ever for the young bride who had just landed in London, eyes swollen after a marathon weep all the way from Changi Airport to Heathrow, after leaving behind her beloved mother and siblings for this new life in a foreign land.

“After today, the day will get longer by two minutes everyday,” he offered helpfully as her eyes began to well up again. She wanted so much to believe him that the days will get longer and brighter, that there will be leaves on the awkward branches of trees which looked so menacing in the dark. And that there will be flowers blooming in the garden. No, no one had prepared her for the bleak winter and the short gloomy days and most of all no one warned her that the toilet seat can be the coldest place in the whole flat. She could have done with one of those “Do you know…that the toilet seat is very cold in the mornings?” or for that matter at any time of the day during winter!

And sure enough, the days got longer by two minutes each day, the flowers bloomed and the young bride who later got used to cold toilet seats, no longer cried as easily, except if you count the time when she first heard Sharifah Aini’s song being played at the Bunga Raya restaurant in Westbourne Grove. She choked back on her crab sambal and yearned for home.

“Do you know,” he said, looking up at the magnificient designs on the ceiling of the Harrods food department, “that most people come here to look at the ceiling?” That, she agreed immediately as not many people, herself included, could afford the astronomical prices Mr Al Fayed was charging for his mackerel. She only went there looking for lemongrass and found some powdered stuff which cost as much as three meals complete with deserts at her favourite mamak stall in Bunga Tanjung.

The young lass was very much on the learning curve, exploring the new world that had presented itself when she said yes. Did she know how to cut chicken properly or measure the water for the rice? No. Did she know that she was not to wash keropok before frying or not to boil the dried beehoon in hot boiling water till they became too soggy to make fried beehoon goreng? No. So, these were other areas of “Do you knows…” which were more practical that she obediently noted.

She soon put away the menu from Khan’s restaurant that she used for emergency take-aways when there were visitors. She began to have more confidence in her culinary skills, encouraged by her husband who never failed to wipe clean his plate of rice even though the consistency of the curry was never quite right or the sambal was too salty. But she was learning.

“Do you know, that is just a story?” he said annoyingly as she wept uncontrollably watching Little House on The Prairies and repeats of The Sound of Music.

Even as they drove along the countryside as she experienced her first summer and the first whiff of fresh air, the familiar question was asked many times. ”Do you know,” he asked pointing to the green fields, “Do you know that when the cows are sitting down, it will soon rain?”

And when the children came they too were not spared these trivia which kept them very much amused during car rides and train journeys. Silently she smiled, listening to the Do you knows....?

And today, on 07-07-07, thirty years later, she reflected back to that moment in the busy newspaper office when someone said to her; “Do you know.........?”

The weird wide world of Kak Teh

I have been pronounced mad many times. Once, it was because I refused to join in the crowd and buy Royal Doultons and Queen Anne trays and accessories that people have gleaming on their dinning table. “You giler ke tak mau beli Queen Anne?”said the lady whose marketing tactics left a lot to be desired. For one last aggresive marketing push she bellowed; “Semua bini diplomat beli Queen Anne daripada I”. That did it – I refused to join in and be one. I will continue to serve in my Royal Plastic and Queen Takeaway containers. Thank you.

The second time was when at a very late age in life, I decided to do my MA – not just one pronouncement of my mental state – but a chorus of “You giler ke?” still ringing in my ears and these from people I call friends. And I still love them. And I better add this one for the glam factor. When a close friend invited Sharifah Aini to her house, I said "Shall we have a karaoke session then? " And guess what they said? Yes, you’ve guessed it.

Anyway, that’s just the mukadimmah to this week’s entry. So, officially I am mad. And now I am risking my reputation further by telling you six weird things about Kak Teh. I have been tagged by Ruby Ahmad but I begged her to let me delay the entry before I lose anymore readers on account of my mental state. So this is the rule:

RULES: People who are tagged should write a blog post of 6 weird things about them as well as state this rule clearly. In the end, you need to choose 6 people to be tagged and list their names. Don't forget to leave a comment that says 'you are tagged' in their comments and tell them to read your blog.

Weird factor 1: I am a creature of habit. The avatar that I use in this blog- the cheerful redhead – is one that I have been using since I started roaming cyberworld. It was given to me by a dear friend who thought that that avatar suits my personality – whatever that means. And I have since refused to change and continue to let people think that I am young, cheerful and a rehead!
Everytime I take the train, I will only buy coffee and two mushroom croissants, which I will only eat one. For train journeys, it has to be mushroom croissants. Just like Mak in those days, for train journeys, it was boiled eggs and nasi lemak and ayam goreng.

Another bad habit of mine is year after year, come Chinese New Year, Hari Raya, Christmas and whatever, I will always buy a brand new pack of greeting cards. With good intentions too. Sometimes, these cards will remain on the shelves to gather dust or sometimes when I feel the urge, I’d write in the cards, put the address and stamps on the envelopes and post them in the drawer. It is the niat, you see. There’s proof of intention, and that’s what matters.

Weird factor 2: I do not know my left from my right thus my driving examiner failed me for the sake of the safety of other roadusers. How considerate. It has long been a standing joke among friends, foe and children that whenever I say turn left, just turn right. Once I was walking with my husband and when we reached a small junction, he said; here we turn right. And there we parted company.

Weird factor 3: I have a bad case of spoonerism. And this serious condition worsens in the company of certain likeminded friends and fellow sufferers such as ena samad and fati. How we understand each other – only God knows. And we have been friends for a long time. I was with Fati going to an assignment. We jumped into a taxi and I said – “Pak Cik, Jubang Saya Please”. I know it sounds crude but I can promise you I didn’t mean it.

During our goodnight session in the dorm, it’d go like this:

Ina: GoodniteMia.
Mia: Goodnite Riza.
Riza: Goodnite Fati
Fati: Goodnite Kak teh
Kak Teh: Goodni tinite.

And we’d all go to sleep with the understanding that I had said: Goodnight Tini.

And did you know that my favourite actor is Harifon Sord? And that I have a friend who used to work in Shongkong Hai Hai Bank? And my shoemaker friend is Chimmy Joo? How I get to be a broadcaster is also a mystery. During the height of the Salman Rushdie’s saga, I had to practice very hard and breathe in and out several times in case I said Rahman Shurdi. And the list goes on. I have written a letter of explanation about this matter to Ms Blarabella. So read here.

Weird factor 4: As if suffering from spoonerism is not enough, I have also been afflicted with something called malapropism. I take astroids for my hayfever, we drove the children in our MP3 while our children listened to music on their MPV. But this is not as bad as my husband, who declared openly in public that we used Durex plates for dinner. What he earnestly meant was Duralex. When he saw me turning red, he profusedly apologised and said that that was the reason we have so many children, we didn’t know which was which. And certainly not as bad as Jade Goody of Celebrity Big Brother who declared she was made an escape goat in the spat with Shilpa Shetty.

Weird factor 5: I have an ongoing war with new technology. I have had arguments with answering machines, ATM’s and even the defenceless photocopier at the office. I am what you might call technically challenged. Perhaps this is because I can’t read instructions or maps. Read here.

Weird factor 6: I cried when I watched Little House on the Prairies, Extreme MakeOvers, Miss Saigon (five times!) and even Lassie.

Now, do I have any readers left?

I hereby tag ena samad, mak andeh, firehorse, x matters, wonda and theta.