The weird wide world of Kak Teh

I have been pronounced mad many times. Once, it was because I refused to join in the crowd and buy Royal Doultons and Queen Anne trays and accessories that people have gleaming on their dinning table. “You giler ke tak mau beli Queen Anne?”said the lady whose marketing tactics left a lot to be desired. For one last aggresive marketing push she bellowed; “Semua bini diplomat beli Queen Anne daripada I”. That did it – I refused to join in and be one. I will continue to serve in my Royal Plastic and Queen Takeaway containers. Thank you.

The second time was when at a very late age in life, I decided to do my MA – not just one pronouncement of my mental state – but a chorus of “You giler ke?” still ringing in my ears and these from people I call friends. And I still love them. And I better add this one for the glam factor. When a close friend invited Sharifah Aini to her house, I said "Shall we have a karaoke session then? " And guess what they said? Yes, you’ve guessed it.

Anyway, that’s just the mukadimmah to this week’s entry. So, officially I am mad. And now I am risking my reputation further by telling you six weird things about Kak Teh. I have been tagged by Ruby Ahmad but I begged her to let me delay the entry before I lose anymore readers on account of my mental state. So this is the rule:

RULES: People who are tagged should write a blog post of 6 weird things about them as well as state this rule clearly. In the end, you need to choose 6 people to be tagged and list their names. Don't forget to leave a comment that says 'you are tagged' in their comments and tell them to read your blog.

Weird factor 1: I am a creature of habit. The avatar that I use in this blog- the cheerful redhead – is one that I have been using since I started roaming cyberworld. It was given to me by a dear friend who thought that that avatar suits my personality – whatever that means. And I have since refused to change and continue to let people think that I am young, cheerful and a rehead!
Everytime I take the train, I will only buy coffee and two mushroom croissants, which I will only eat one. For train journeys, it has to be mushroom croissants. Just like Mak in those days, for train journeys, it was boiled eggs and nasi lemak and ayam goreng.

Another bad habit of mine is year after year, come Chinese New Year, Hari Raya, Christmas and whatever, I will always buy a brand new pack of greeting cards. With good intentions too. Sometimes, these cards will remain on the shelves to gather dust or sometimes when I feel the urge, I’d write in the cards, put the address and stamps on the envelopes and post them in the drawer. It is the niat, you see. There’s proof of intention, and that’s what matters.

Weird factor 2: I do not know my left from my right thus my driving examiner failed me for the sake of the safety of other roadusers. How considerate. It has long been a standing joke among friends, foe and children that whenever I say turn left, just turn right. Once I was walking with my husband and when we reached a small junction, he said; here we turn right. And there we parted company.

Weird factor 3: I have a bad case of spoonerism. And this serious condition worsens in the company of certain likeminded friends and fellow sufferers such as ena samad and fati. How we understand each other – only God knows. And we have been friends for a long time. I was with Fati going to an assignment. We jumped into a taxi and I said – “Pak Cik, Jubang Saya Please”. I know it sounds crude but I can promise you I didn’t mean it.

During our goodnight session in the dorm, it’d go like this:

Ina: GoodniteMia.
Mia: Goodnite Riza.
Riza: Goodnite Fati
Fati: Goodnite Kak teh
Kak Teh: Goodni tinite.

And we’d all go to sleep with the understanding that I had said: Goodnight Tini.

And did you know that my favourite actor is Harifon Sord? And that I have a friend who used to work in Shongkong Hai Hai Bank? And my shoemaker friend is Chimmy Joo? How I get to be a broadcaster is also a mystery. During the height of the Salman Rushdie’s saga, I had to practice very hard and breathe in and out several times in case I said Rahman Shurdi. And the list goes on. I have written a letter of explanation about this matter to Ms Blarabella. So read here.

Weird factor 4: As if suffering from spoonerism is not enough, I have also been afflicted with something called malapropism. I take astroids for my hayfever, we drove the children in our MP3 while our children listened to music on their MPV. But this is not as bad as my husband, who declared openly in public that we used Durex plates for dinner. What he earnestly meant was Duralex. When he saw me turning red, he profusedly apologised and said that that was the reason we have so many children, we didn’t know which was which. And certainly not as bad as Jade Goody of Celebrity Big Brother who declared she was made an escape goat in the spat with Shilpa Shetty.

Weird factor 5: I have an ongoing war with new technology. I have had arguments with answering machines, ATM’s and even the defenceless photocopier at the office. I am what you might call technically challenged. Perhaps this is because I can’t read instructions or maps. Read here.

Weird factor 6: I cried when I watched Little House on the Prairies, Extreme MakeOvers, Miss Saigon (five times!) and even Lassie.

Now, do I have any readers left?

I hereby tag ena samad, mak andeh, firehorse, x matters, wonda and theta.