Thursday, 19 October 2006

Memories of Pak this Ramadan

Everyone is talking about it. In fact some blogs, they have links to it. I have seen it, minus the sound because there is something wrong with my speaker. But even without the sound and the conversation, the message came loud and clear through the actions - and I had to stop watching it as my vision was getting a bit blurred for the tears that came trickling fast. Yes, living with an ageing person is not the easiest thing to do. The one person who used to be strong and dependable, is suddenly a child that you need to look after with tantrums and behaviour that test your patience and iman. This is certainly not a new topic here nor in other blogs.

[Iklan raya by Petronas]

The thought provoking conscience pricking video clip certainly brought back memories of life with my own father the last few years before he left us. Pak was an easy going person who gave in to the demands of his children. We were thoroughly spoilt. He would do the chores that Mak assigned us while he signalled that we leave the kitchen and go back to our books. He checked our grammar and tenses in our letters to him when we were away and saw to it that our favourite food remained on the table during our home coming. But to our young minds – that was never enough because Pak never took us to the cinema nor to the parks. But he waited up for us when we went to late night parties, and waited with us when we watched horror movies at night. He came into our rooms regularly to check that our blankets didn’t slip away onto to the burning mosquito coil. He told and retold to us stories of what he did during the Japanese occupation. All that he did.

Pak’s geniality slowly began to ebb. I was away during my adult years but coming home during the breaks, I noticed his impatience, his quiet anger that was unexplained. Sitting around the table during the meals was never easy. We never touched the food until he did. That was the rule. We didn’t talk unnecessarily. He never scattered his food like the father in the video clip, but he made unnecessary noise that was a bit irritating. For someone who reminded us time and time again never to talk with our mouth full and to eat quietly, this was a bit unnerving. Mak would sit quietly pushing her food on her plate.

Sometimes, he would sit in his favourite chair near the pillar facing the roadside. Pak never left the house because of the injuries he had during an accident. So that chair facing the door was his window to the outside world. He’d beckon the mamak mee goreng, the budak kueh from there. Even the peminta sedekah who came a knocking would come in and share his food.

He’d sit there and entertain his own thoughts. What he thought about appeared in a conversation, which to us, was with no one in particular. We knew Pak was losing it. But we didn’t admit it.

He took to sleeping in the single bedroom upstairs, where he stored everything – fruits that had gone rotten, rambutans that had gone black. In his pockets were our birth certificates that went into pieces at a touch, and many other bits and pieces that must have been there for years. In his books near his bedside, to our delight, were some crisp notes. It was while he was in this room entertaining his thoughts that we saw the great change in him. If we were washing up and if there was any noise at all, he’d appear at the top of the stairs and bellow at us. He thought we were angry with him. Any exaggerated actions, noise were translated as anger directed towards him. We never replied back, we never showed our anger but we were sad because sometimes we didn’t recognise this father who used to be so loving. We didn’t understand that old age for him was taking a different course.

But if anything, I am thankful that it was only those little things that made him different and we still remember him fondly as the one who told jokes about the Japanese, the one who made up children’s stories and songs and the one who let us off the hook when Mak showed her claws.

For we were fortunate he didn’t go wandering around the neighbourhood without a stitch on his body, like an old uncle of ours. Unlike another uncle who didn’t recognise his children, Pak on his death bed was still discussing the course I was taking at college.

This Ramadan, like other Ramadans, I remember Pak. When I watch the way my husband wake the children up for Sahur, I see my Pak in him. How he would repeatedly and patiently wake them up, just like Pak woke us up. And yes, the last Ramadan with Pak, he could still organise the Itik golek, the way he liked it. Our rayas are never without the itik golek the way he liked it.

Let us look after our parents for, among other things, we never know how we would be when we get to that age.

PS I watched this iklan raya clip again with the sound on at work and I just couldn't stop my tears. "Aku ingin Pulang", says the song in the background. And I remember my Mak as she flew home yesterday to her own home in Alor Star.

80 comments:

anggerik merah said...

Kak Teh,

very beautiful memory of your Pak!. I love it when you said you see your Pak in yr beloved hubby.

Selamat hari raya eidilfitri untuk Kak Teh dan keluarga.

edelweiss said...

Kak Teh,

Semoga roh Pak Kak Teh bersama dengan org-org yang beriman. I'm glad i still have my dad ad my mom around. Insyallah i will do my very best to make them happy and value them.

Selamat Hari hari Raya

Pak Tuo said...

Kak Teh Dear,

Al Fatiha Kepada Allahyarham Kak Teh.
Semoga dicuculi rahmat ke atas roh nya dipagi yang mulia.Amin

Wasallam.

bisutulibuta said...

kak oi...selamat hari raya na..salam sikit..minta ampun minta maaf.

Manal said...

Memories like that are the ones which automatically brings tears rolling down our cheeks. As in "air mata mengalir lesu ke pipinya tanpa dipaksa" kinda thing.

But I'm sure he is survived by anak2 yang soleh and solehah, like yourself. How lucky Pak is.

Vern said...

Aaawww.. And again you have inspired me... :)

Selamat Hari Raya Kak Teh!

wonda said...

Kak Teh,
I am lost for words. The song, "You Raise Me Up", plays over and over again in my ears as I read about your father. Memories of my own parents came flowing back to me. Hope our children will bear with us too when we get to that old age.

X-Matters said...

Kak Teh,
You writing about your Pak reminds me of my own Bak, who passed away in 1986. Semoga mereka ditempatkan Allah SWT bersama2 mereka yang soleh.

Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri Maaf Zahir Batin

Kak Elle said...

kak teh beautiful memory always lingers on like that of my mak ... Al fatiha Semoga dicucuri rahmat ke atas roh mereka.

Jane Sunshine said...

Wah so many new entries. Stories about your Pak is one bittersweet one eh? How did the kuih making come along? He he

Ordinary Superhero said...

It's a good reminder for those who still have their parents around.

Selamat Hari Raya Kak Teh and family.

maR said...

Tak sempat berjumpak sblm saya pulang hati tu, saya nak ucapkan Selamat menyambut Syawal 1427H buat kak teh sekeluarga. As my husband mentioned before, thank you so much for the kindness you bestowed us....
Nenek meninggal semalam...

Anonymous said...

Kak Teh, I had to stop reading after watching the video clips. Too emotional. My niece sitting opposite me must think something is wrong with me. Yes, thank you for the reminder. I always say that I would never expect my children to care for us in our old age but I would not dream of putting my parents in someone else's care. Our parents have done so much for us and caring for them in return is not a must but a loving gesture or appreciation.

MA said...

Kak Teh:

Caring for an ageing father is never easy. My Dad is very much like what the father in the video is now - food scattered because of his failing eyesight, crockery dropped due to his weak grip, the farting and all - when we felt our temper losing, all we need to do was to remember the time when we were kids when he lovingly cared for us, the way your Pak did.

We messed with our food and broke things when we were kids too. Now the cycle of life has changed.

Al Fatihah to your arwah Pak.

Kak Teh said...

AM, Selamat hari raya to you too!

edelweis, Terima kasih. Enjoy yr parents while they are still around.

Pak Tuo - terima kasih banyak juga kerana doamu.

BTB, sama-smalah kita maaf bermaafan.

Kak Teh said...

manal, when i watched the advert tu sedih sangat...

vern, enjoy the hari raya as well.

wonda, watch the advert tu - lagi sedih tau!

x-matters, Al fatehah to your Bak too!

Kak Elle, thanks for the prayers.

Kak Teh said...

jane, itulah lama tak datang! Sibuk 'tak puasa' ke? (sorry, couldnt resist that .

OSH, it is indeed, but it is sad that we need to be reminded at all.

Mar and azrin, I am so so so sorry, but at least she is no longer in pain and she went during this holy month! Al Fatehah. Call me when u are back here.

Judy, yes, it is sad indeed.

Mak Andeh, memangkena banyak bersabar, like they all bersabar masa besarkan kita. Thank you for your doa and thanks for sharing woth us yr experience too.

wonda said...

Kak Teh,
Yes, I have watched the video - sedih and very touching! If you don't mind, I like to share the slide shows on "Please bear with me" (the one that I sent you previously).
Click on any of the sites in ...
http://parentswish.com/site01/big.html

1na said...

Assalamualaikum Kak Teh,

Selamat Hari Raya Aidil Fitri
Maaf Zahir dan Batin

Ur humble silent reader :)

blossom said...

masyaAllah!!!!! so sad, so touching!!.. ah ah sey, meleleh leleh air mata.. (thanks for sharing)

and i'm happy to hear ur mum is on her way home.

selamat menjalani sisa2 Ramadhan tahun ni.
and selamat hari raya in advance.

tee said...

kak teh, semoga Allah mencucuri rahmat ke atas roh ayah akak.

alhamdulillah, my mom n dad masih lagi sihat. niway, home is where the heart is.

eid mubarak to u n ur family.. :)

ilene said...

Hi Kak Teh,

Al Fatiha kepada Allahyarham Kak Teh.

The video clip really made me cry. Our Malaysian channels should broadcast this at this time instead of some silly ones. Gone are the teachings of moral! Glad to hear that your mum's back for this Raya. I'm sure she's gonna enjoy herself immensely! Kak Teh tak nak balik kah? Is it difficult to fast over there especially since everyone will be eating without a care?

Anyway, I wish you and your family SELAMAT BERPUASA DAN SELAMAT HARI RAYA AIDIL FITRI.

AuntyN said...

Kak Teh, I know how you feel. Alfatihah to all our fathers.

Selamat Hari Raya & Maaf zahir bathin.

~ GAB ~ said...

Al-Fatihah to Pak...

I can even feel it you drop a tear or two while finishing this entry...

AuntieYan. said...

Kak Teh, SELAMAT HARI RAYA & MAAF ZAHIR BATIN...

p/s: The iklan memang sedih...I cried when i first saw it...it really reminds me of my late ayah.
May Allah bless them>

Anonymous said...

Kak Teh,
And I thought I was the only one crying when I first watched the Petronas H/Raya advert. My son Ikram was so annoyed with the rude and selfish son-in-law.....I told my children, nanti kalau mama dah takde jangan buat papa macam tu!!!

Kak Teh said...

wonda, yes, that video clip is also sad - but also a must to watch.

1na, Thanks for leaving the message and selamat hari raya to you too.

Blossom, Alhamdulillah, Mak dah sampai dan dia sekarang menanti kepulangan anak-anak untuk berhari raya dengan dia. Tapi, Kak Teh tak balik.

Kak Teh said...

tee, at the moment the heart masih berbelah bahagi - but itis the choice that we made and we have to live with it. Selamat Hari raya to u too.

greetingsfromilene, thanks for the visit and please update your blog. Still busy?

AuntyN - Alfatehah to our fathers. Amin.

Kak Teh said...

Gab, this advert maker can make you shriek with laughter or cry uncontrollably! Such a simple message!

AuntyYAn - selamat hari raya to you too.

Mama Irma, my children said the same thing too. My daughter said: What's wrong with that guy???(the SIL).

mumsgather said...

Kah Teh,
I'm just popping by to wish Selamat Hari Raya to you and your family. :)

JoKontan said...

:-(









I'm lost for words...
I dunno what to scribe...



Selamat Hari Raya
Maaf Zahir & Bathin

cnon said...

Salam kak teh,
blog choc-a-blog ni memang antara kegemaran saya ada pelbagai gaya cerita semuanya membuka minda dan dikarang dgn baik sekali.
eid mubarak to you n moga your quest to buat kueh raya to a success.

Count Byron said...

Kak Teh I love Pak. I want to be loving towards my children the way Pak was towards you. I want to check their grammar, which I never did but Countess. I sent and waited on my children yes.. and walk them through the parks.
May Allah bless Pak, and may his soul be in His good keeping.
With Mak's perseverence and patience, and Pak's loving attitude, you had been blessed KT

Kak Teh said...

Mumsgather, thank you.

Jokontan, selamat hari raya to you too.

CB, You are one swell dad - and you have a bunch of wonderful children. No worries!

Anonymous said...

Al fatihah to for your Pak, and my Abah, and to all who have inspired us and cared for us.

SHR AF MZB

JoePerantau said...

Selamat Hari Raya Kak Teh :-)

fatihah said...

Salam Aidilfitri KT & Family. have a joyous one!

Kak Teh said...

bahan kelabu, amin! and selamat hari raya to you.


Joe, same to you. take care.

fatihah, selamat hari raya to u too.

Nazrah said...

kakteeeeeeeeh...tak boleh berhenti nangis ni...insafnya!
my prayers for pak...semoga sentiasa kaya dan bercahaya dengan doa anak-anak.

Kak Teh said...

nazrah, ya, ya, kak teh tau...and I do know how you feel too. Thanks for doa.

KC said...

Well Kak Teh,

What can I say. Dahlah sedih tengok that Petrnonas ad thingy, baca KT's entry, lagilah sendu.

I'm every thankful to the Almighty as my own Papa, at 76 Alhamdulillah, masih bekerja, masih sihat. And I shall cherish the moment I've spent being under his care dari kecik dulu. And it was also a duty of my Papa untuk gerakkan kami adik beradik untuk sahur. Selagi tak bangun, selagi tulah Papa akan berdiri dihujung kaki katil gerakkan kami...

Salam raya to you and family kak teh. It has certainly been nice knowing you walaupun thru the blogsphere aje.

Wassalam.

TrioMommy @ Yours Truly said...

thank you, KT. selamat hari raya `aidilfitri to you and family too. :)

Atok said...

SELAMAT HARI RAYA. MAAF ZAHIR BATIN.

atenah said...

Selamat Hari Raya Kak Teh
Maaf Zahir dan Batin

AlFatihah for yr dad

ainee said...

huhuh.sob2.sape la direct vid nie.sedih tau. yeah. many say "terharu" after watching this ad. hwargh~and this eid, i'm not at home to help my mom. and she called me just now (i think she misses my presence at home; helping her with eid preparation; since im her only daughter) gosh~ i really feel like wanting to kiss my parents hands as i watched this.

Kak Teh said...

KC, I think the iklan raya touched everyone and certainly a GREAT reminder - Selamat Hari Raya to you and yours.
triomommy, selamat hari raya to you too.

Atok, salang hari rayo (betul ke?)

atenah, salam aidilfitri to you too.

Ainee, awww, kesian, am sure she will keep some kueh raya for you. Salam aidil fitro to u too.

Mr Hobo said...

Times like this that make us we miss them more .... selamat hari raya kak teh

5xmom ~chanlilian.net~ said...

KAK TEH!!!!

All the way from Penang, Selamat Hari Raya Aidil Fitri, Maaf Zahir dan Batin. Have a nice holidays ya!

Kak Teh said...

mro Hobo, u are so right...selamat hari raya to you too.

Lilian, all the way from london to penang..Thank you!!!

kyora kejora said...

thats very touching kak teh, remind me to abah, we never have real good time together, but being here in another country, really reminds me what i missed to do with him. selamat hari raya kak teh n family!

punya la nan berseorangan kat townsville ni, hari ni dah raya pun tak tau!

nyonyapenang said...

SELAMAT HARI RAYA TO YOU AND ALL AT HOME.

Kak Teh said...

kyora kejora, kesian - sama-samalah kita beraya di perantauan!

nyonya penang - thanks and welcome back! Hope u had a nice time.

simah said...

*hugs*..a beautiful memory..n i am sure ur mom is happy..*pulang ke rumah sendiri* this raya...n i imagine u too can join in the crowd n in the loving arms of ur mom...

salam aidilfitri kak teh... makan jangan tak makan lontong tu :0)

simah said...

sala hg type.. i imagine u too wanting to join in the crowd..

Al fatihah to ur dad..

Anonymous said...

selamat hari raya!
maaf zahir dan batin, aunty chik :)
send my love to chik and my cousins.

R2K said...

Hi just visiting : )

Ely said...

SELAMAT HARI RAYA KT!!!

maaf zahir batin!

thank you for your note in my blog and at rantauan :)

maklang said...

Selamat HAri Raya Kak Teh and family.

Memang video clip tu menyayat hati. Hopefully kita tak akan buat camtu pd mak bapak kita and anak2 kita pun takkan buat kat kita jugak, InsyaAllah...

Kak Teh said...

simah, thanks and hope you had a good bayram (?)

Anon, insyaallah..tho I dont know who is it that I shd say convey the salams. Which cousin?

alex, thanks for the visit.

Kak Teh said...

ely, thanks - so, you must be counting the days, eh?

maklang, insyaallah dia semoga kita diberiketabahan, kesabaran dan keinsafan untuk menghadapi apa-apa cabaran.

alia said...

me lah, aunty chik.
when is number 2 coming to kl?

AnakMalaya said...

kak teh,

sedihhhhhnyaaaaaa baca blog ni!! memang lagu tu sayu sungguh.

hope it's not too late to wish SELAMAT HARI RAYA.. moga raya kali ini indah buat kak teh dan keluarga.

Anonymous said...

kak teh ni kaaaan.....kalau tak bikin orang nangis, memang laa...

nef

ikanbilis said...

helllo kak teh and selamat hari raya!

i've been coming here for a while but saja dunwan to comment yet. that video reminds me of my late Tok Wan. He was simply an old man like that, except my parents was not like those 2 dummies. al fatihah to your late father.

hope you had a great Aidilfitri =)

LifeBloom said...

Salam and Selamat Hari Raya K Teh

Very sobering indded. The ad is a reminder to us all to bersabar when dealing with our parents and "what goes round comes around". To still have our parents around to cium and peluk during Raya is indeed such a blessing.

This Syawal - I made a point to be "available" for my parents. For the past few years - I have been "vacant" - and took a few things for granted.

Alhamdullilah - Allah SWT has the power to make things happen to remind us of what is really important in life.

We just have to take notice.

mommy@lif said...

kak teh,1st time watching this ad i cried my hearts out.. sedih sangat²! kesian dapat menantu yang berkira & cynical macam tu :(

even after countless times, i am still 'sebak' watching it.. mintak dijauhkan nasib macam tu

R2K said...

This is a very interesting perspective for me.

suriz said...

Salam perkenalan dan aidilfitri buat Kak teh. Saya selalu melawat blog Kak teh, cuma tak berkesempatan untuk memberi apa2 komen. Sekadar membaca penulisan Kak Teh dan komen2 daripada penulis2 lain. Cuma, apabila terbaca ruangan ini, hati tergerak untuk menyampaikan apa yang saya rasa tentang keluarga kami. memandangkan ayah saya anak tunggal, jadi ayah dan emak saya tinggal bersama dan menjaga nenek sebelah ayah yang berusia 83 tahun yang mempunyai pelbagai jenis kerenah yang kadangkala boleh buat kami sekeluarga jadi 'gila'. tapi saya bangga dengan ayah dan emak yang sabar dan tabah dengan sikap nenek. apabila saya menonton iklan tersebut, saya rasakan bahawa betapa beruntungnya nenek mempunyai anak dan menantu seperti ayah dan emak. dan saya berdoa kami tiga beradik agar setabah ayah dan emak pada masa hadapan.
P/s: Al-fatihah untuk Pak Kak Teh.

alinlai said...

iye...iklan tu sungguh berkesan, kalau ada anak2 yang layan orang tua dia macam tu kalau tak terasa memang berhati batu le... raya sakan lagi kak teh :)

Kak Teh said...

alia, thanks for revealing your identity. Daughter number two will be back early december, I think.

anak malaya - tak apa syawals atu bulan, masih belum terlambat and selamat hariraya to you too.

anon nef - kadang2 ketawa dan kadang2 nangis - tulah lumrah hidup, kan? Hope u had a wonderful raya.

Kak Teh said...

ikanbilis thanks for the visit. I hope there's not too many people who treat their parents like that. Its a good reminder for us.

lifebloom, what a wonderful day you must have had. I received raya photos from home and just cried!

mommyalif, i cant bear to watch it anymore. terlalu sayu.

Alex - yap - certainly is.

Kak Teh said...

suriz, ahlhamdulillah dan syukur nenek mendapat anak dan menantu seperti ibubapa suriz. memang banyak dugaan tapi semasa mereka besarkan kita dulu pun gitu jugalah, kan?

alinlai, selamat hari raya . Tak lah sakan sangat hari raya di sini. perhaps 10 peratus daripada raya di malaya.

Mama Rock said...

kak teh, salam aidilfitri pada kak teh sekeluarga. yup, i cried too the first time i saw the ad. My arwah abah died in an accident and he got his wsih too - he always sebut, kalau dia mati dia tak nak susah kan orang with prolong sakit :(

Junita said...

Reading your entry made me realize that I need to appreciate my parents more...and more.. and more..
It reminds me of a song, by Luther Vandross - Dance with my father. Touching. Have a nice Syawal !

Anonymous said...

New here, btw Selamat Hari Raya di perantauan, I dah selamat dah ada kat Mesia.

Kak Teh said...

mama rock, alfatehah to yotu Pak too.

Junita, yes, we all do need to apprecaite our nearest and dearest more. You still have yours - insyaallah.

striker, selamat hari raya to you too.

MULAN said...

sedih tak terhingga bila tengok ad tu. i wish i could do much better to my late father too. he left us (while he was sleeping) when we were young. i'm d eldest, i was 24 then. semoga roh your Pak & mine and other muslimin & muslimat ditempatkan bersama org2 beriman..

R2K said...

: )

ruyahmad said...

Hi my dear Kak Teh,

Tried to leave comment before but had problems with streamyx.

Wonderful to reminisce about our loved ones. Your late Pak was a loving father. I am lucky too as my late father was a kind and caring person.

Al-Fatihah to our dearly departed beloveds.

Hope you had a fullfiling Raya.

the kimster said...

always a good reminder.
sometimes people who still have their parents have no idea how lucky they really are. some take them for granted probably they've never lost a loved one (well, maybe a cat or two).

berbakti sebelum terlambat. when they are gone, all the words in the world will never be enough.