Thursday, 1 June 2006

Apologies and etc

Apologies
I believe, I owe everyone an explanation, especially those who humoured my non entry below! Thank you. It all started when I was still in London, frantically trying to post pictures of events during Malaysia Week in Covent Garden. It was a futile attempt and I thought I had deleted the posting – but – hey presto! Thank you!

So, here I am back in hot and humid Kuala Lumpur trying to compete with headless chickens running around not knowing what to do. It has been my intention to visit my ailing Mak and MAS’s ridiculously cheap fare made that possible, leaving all my sayang mamas behind with packages of Brahim’s curry and asam pedas.

During this visit too, I have been offered the opportunity to perform my umrah, Insyaallah and that will be tomorrow. I have not spoken about it mainly because I needed to see the visa. Alhamdulillah, I have got it now and I need your doas to accompany me there.

It is true what people say about how we as human beings can only plan, but it is HE who decides what happens. Mak fell ill, seriously on the third day after my arrival and was hospitalized. Unlike my other siblings, I had never looked after her and I believe this was my pay back time. Let me recall my moments with her.

Moments with Mak
My flight from London was uneventful and I landed at 2.30 pm. By four I was at the front door and was delighted to see Mak walking slowly to the door to greet me. But she was coughing. She was very happy that I was going to perform my umrah and couldn’t stop recounting those journeys she herself made several times. I was on the phone with Mak Andeh, when she came over and started caressing my back. And she held my hand, slipping in a couple of RM50 notes. She said, it was for me to spend for my Umrah and from then on, I couldn’t speak for the lump that rose in my throat.

Moments with Mak can be summarized as one full of anxieties, guilt, sadness and spurts of joy and laughter. There were times when her coughing made her gasp for breathe and left her weak and quite frustrated. During times when I ventured out to Kuala Lumpur, I received calls from my siblings to come back as she was unwell. And went back, I did to find her smiling her sweet smile on the sofa and chiding me for escaping to the city. It was apparent that she wanted me around and not traipsing all over Kuala Lumpur like I used to. But there were things that needed to be done.

I attended a three hour crash course on Umrah at the Tabung Haji building last Sunday and felt a lot more confident. But after that I received a text message saying that Mak was admitted to Putra Jaya Hospital. Thank God for the ERL and I was there in no time.

I didn’t know it was possible for her to look even more frail than before. But there she was surrounded by my siblings and nephews and nieces. She was there more than for just her coughs. Her lungs were showing things we didn’t know exist and a condition we didn’t want to acknowledge.

So, It was my turn to stay over at the hospital to look after her. Shamlessly I pleaded with my sister to stay back with me and we persuaded the Head Nurse to allow both of us to stay. So, while one of us stayed by her bedside, one would be in the TV room. It was during one of my breaks that I watched My Team being demolished by Malaysia. Not impressed at all.

Mak coughed throughout the night and the needle they inserted for her blood transfusion was beginning to hurt her. She cried out in pain and shamelessly, I cried too not knowing how to take the pain away from her. The next day, I was left on my own to tend to Mak.
The cough mixture she was given helped and we had a wonderful chat about how wonderful her voyage on the Bunga Raya was in the late sixties.

She spoke about the excitement and the joy, even about forgetting all of us at home, when she embarked on her first pilgrimage. It was fun, by ship, she said.

“When we reached Aidan (for that was how she pronounced it) little boats with goodies approached the Bunga Raya and they would hoist long poles with basket to show their wares. We’d put our money in and lower down the basket,” she said, her memory of that afternoon at the port, as clear as it had happened yesterday.

She recalled how, at seven months pregnant, she persisted to perform the Haj, she told about her delivery in the small white tent in Arafah, aided by a midwife from Perak. She reminded me of doas and what to say and do where. I could listen to her forever, sitting there by her hospital bed, just the two of us. This pricesless moment with Mak was hundred times better that the three hour session I had with the Ustaz. This was my Mak telling me what to do and what to expect.

I spent another evening alone with her, watching her sleep as the medication they gave her took effect. There were times I could read the book on how to perform the Umrah, and there were times I could mark exam papers that I had brought back with me. But most of the time, I sat there looking at her, wondering where did the strong woman in that small frame go. She was quiet the whole day, not as chatty when I came to take over from my sisters. My immediate task: Help Mak put on the nappies. And with that they left.

With four children, I should be an expert at putting disposable nappies. But the next few minutes showed how wrong I was to assume. One look at the nappy, my face crumpled as I didn’t know which side should be at the bottom. And one look at my face, my Mak went into stitches laughing so hard that it could have been a scene from a sit com. We tried this way and that and still it didn’t look right. And it didn’t help that Mak was rolling with laughter, wiping tears from her face. Two wasted nappies and I decided to swallow my pride and called in the nurse. Phew! At least I made her laugh.

The next morning, the doctors made their rounds. And for the first time I asked them about the true nature of her illness. And Yes, we are talking about the BIG C, said one doctor, handing me a tissue as I burst into sobs. It then became official. And from that moment on, I am more determined to make my journey there and be there before the Kaabah and pray that my Mak be spared of any kind of pain. Please doa for me and with me.


Kak Teh meminta ampun dan maaf daripada semua kalau ada silap dan salah dan terkasar bahasa.


55 comments:

may said...

prayers for your mother, you and your family, kak teh.

MA said...

Prayers for you and your Mak.

A lovely, lovely lady - I had to stop myself from wanting to hug her that day. Hug her for me, please.

Have a pleasant journey Kak Teh.

auntylela said...

very sad, almost same story here.
make doa for her every waking hour and our doa go with you, insyaAllah.

ubisetela said...

Selamat pergi & kembali K.Teh.. semoga beroleh barakah di Tanah Suci.

My Doa for you and and your mak.

meandbaby said...

Our doas for a safe journey and for your mother....

elisa said...

Semoga mak Kak Teh dan Kak Teh dilindungi Allah sentiasa. Have a safe journey Kak Teh.

UglyButAdorable said...

Kak Teh..selamat pergi dan selamat balik..semoga dpt umrah mabrur..dan semoga mak kak teh diberi kesihatan yg baik.

pembacha said...

Kak teh,
No apologies needed. Our doas are for you and your Mum.

take care.

Jane Sunshine said...

my dearest kt, was so wrapped in theory and stuff that i missed calling you before you left. sending prayers your way and for your beloved mom. love.

karina said...

dear kak teh

doas for you and your mother and the whole family.
hope you have/had (you'd be back by the time you read this?) a safe and meaningful umrah.

best wishes.

ays_as said...

Kak Teh..
semoga selamat pergi, selamat beribadat dan selamat kembali..
semoga segala doa kak teh diperkenankanNYA dan amal ibadat diterimaNYA...

doa saya juga utk ibu kak teh..

Akuro ® said...

Take care! Moga selamat pergi n kembali. Moga ibu K'Teh cpt sembuh.

Anonymous said...

Kak Teh,
Moga selamat pergi dan kembali. Insya Allah tuhan akan melindungi umatnya..

imr

MamiJarum said...

Our doas for your Journey and for your mother. Be strong kak Teh... We are all here giving you support and our doas...

Ordinary Superhero said...

Lots of doa for you Kak teh. Semoga dipermudahkan segala urusan. InsyaAllah.

Nazrah said...

kakteh: you know that my hopes, my dreams, my pain as a daughter are somewhat congruent with yours. you too will be able to get through this insyaAllah.

your voice is in my ears, your warmth is in my heart. Go with God and He will take care of everything. I love you.

Atok said...

KT,
Many thanks for your text message earlier. All the very best and InsyaAllah a mabrur one.
People say, it's a journey of a lifetime being at the holy land. InsyaAllah one day, it's my turn.

Doa for all...

atn said...

umrah mabrook
the part abt yr mom giving birth in a tent in Arafah is inspirational, thanks

am sorry that kita berselisih jalan

Idham said...

kak teh,

my prayers for u, ur journey to mekah, and ur dearest mom.

InsyaAllah, selamat!

idham

mommy@lif said...

kak teh dear, semoga selamat pergi balik & dipermudahkan segala urusan di Tanah Suci. moga Allah memberi kekuatan kpg keluarga k teh menghadapi dugaan ini. semoga mak k teh cepat sembuh.. insyaAllah

Mama Rock said...

kak teh, our prayers are with you and your mum. semoga mendapat umrah mabrur. have a safe trip.

anedra said...

we're in this together and now more than ever, I am so thankful that we have this Great Big Wonderful Family to go thru this together.

My prayers are with you, ur ever so sweet Tok and the rest of our clan.

LifeBloom said...

kt

my prayers for you to have a wonderful time in Mecca & Medina performing the Umrah. And that your Mak will be halthy and strong.

Would like to see (if you have the time) after you come back. InsyaAllah.

Jiwa Rasa said...

Kak Teh,

May you have a safe journey to the Holy Land. Pour your hearts out at Multazam and Maqam Ibrahim. May Allah grant all your Doa and wishes...

We will Doa for you and your Mum..

Ewok said...

KT (and anedra),
my doa with you. The one time that I met her, I can see that she is one lovely and caring woman. and may you selamat menunaikan umrah.

sue said...

kak teh:
safe journey and insyaallah everything will be fine..

Berisman said...

My du'a for you and your mum.

Pak Adib

Manal said...

One of the most challenging time in ur life, kak teh. When I heard from what u said on the phone, i acted coolly pasai takmoh la mencucur air mata coz once i started to weep, its gonna be banjir for sure....like i said, if it's not the time yet, it won't happen...and again, selamat pergi and kembali ke malaysia and then back to london. Yg nappy tu hospital kasi ke kakteh? Laughter is the best medicine and that was what i did during my evening spent at Hammersmith Hospital. Time nak kena buat blood transfusion, i can still laugh with my friends teasing the doctor who was not that "precise" enuf when trying to find my bloodvein on my arm that i had to instruct him to stick the needle into my mid-arm section (elbow joint) and stuff like that. Being (too) hysterical when u r undergoing medical examination is rather pointless to me. It served nothing but worsening the already excruciating pain.

MakNenek said...

selamat jalan kak teh. the story of your mak is so touching. we'll also pray for her from here. do take care and may allah bless your journey to see his holy kaabah. salam

Lollies said...

semoga Allah memudahkan segalanya. Insya Allah.

Anonymous said...

KT, ME do'akan KT mendapat Umrah yg mabrur, insyallah.Do'a ME juga untuk mak KT...
ME dah mengalaminya bersama mak...
Mak Ety

simah said...

our doas will always be with u n ur mak...

k.d said...

k teh selamat pergi dan selamat pulang. Doa untuk k teh and keluarga.

anasalwa said...

kakteh,
salam dan doa buat kakteh dan mak kakteh.

Mama Irma said...

Kak Teh, semoga kembali dengan umrah yang mabrur! Kami doakan yang terbaik buat emak Kak Teh...

Moon® said...

Salam,
Semoga dapat mengerjakan ibadah umrah dengan sempurna & hope your mom will recover soon.

sya said...

Kak Teh.. semoga kak teh selamat pergi dan kembali.. and semoga Mak Kak teh sihat dan semua doa kak teh dimakbulkan

miniME said...

My thoughts and prayers utk Kak Teh and your Mak, take good care of yourself too ok..*huggss*

Kak Lady said...

Kak Teh...pemergian kak Teh diiringi doa kami di sini...dan doa yang ikhlas dari hati lady buat seorang ibu....

Semoga selamat dalam perjalanan Kak Teh...

Niza said...

A'kum Kak Za,
Im so sorry to hear about your mum. My prayers for your mum, Kak Za, I sympathise with you but one thing I can say is that with our mothers being so brave and courageous, their spirits will live on with all of us.

It is almost three weeks since My husband's father been dignosed with lung C. He has been ill since last Xmas but we didnt find out till this month. Jon is so devastated, the doctor came up with some "figures" but all i can say to him is the doctor is no God, we just got to have faith in Allah and lets fight this together. With Jon, he only has a small family, Mum and dad, and his step sister and step brother is his family,thats all he has, he never see death before in his life and that is what makes him so scared to face or to think about, unlike me, I have seen them all and I think it makes me a lot more stronger than Jon.. We are having a truly hard time now but we will fight this together. I feel so useless most of the time because i cant help my dad in law, his getting weaker and weaker, loosing piles of weight, i just wanted to express how sorry i am for everyone that having the same situation,and that i will pray for them and their familys as i pray for my own.

Nothing can prepare us for this however hard you try. May Allah gives us lots of strengh. May your journey to our holy land brings you happiness, good health to your family.

My heart goes out to you and your family. Take care, try to stay strong, Im thinking of you and your Mum and sorry too for the very very long message.

5xmom ~chanlilian.net~ said...

Kak Teh....*sniff, sniff* I am a little late in reading this. I guess you are doing yr umrah now? My prayers and thoughts will be with you and especially yr mak. May the Almighty keeps her comfortable and lift every sakit-sakit. Will be watching out for Mak Aji balik ya! Hehehe.

anggerik merah said...

Kak Teh, selamat mengerjakan umrah. Semuga doa dimakbulkan oleh Allah.

You have such a lovely mom.

Arena said...

Prayers for you and your Mak. safe journey Kak Teh.. Take care..

pu1pu3 said...

maaf Kak Teh,
Lambat read this post. Moga selamat semuanya.I second lifebloom.Nak jumpa if ada masa ya?if not takpe, you're sure full of appointments and catching up to do with ur family..

fatihah said...

semoga selamat semuanya. ameen..

Diz said...

Best wishes and doa's to you for a fruitful umrah, and to your mother and family.

~ahni~ said...

seperti biasa bila baca entry kak teh mesti hati rasa tersentuh, biar gembira mahupun sedih

take care kak teh

Ordinary Superhero said...

Welcome back. We are all waiting for your updates.:)

AuntyN said...

Salam Kak Teh. I hope by now you are already back in Malaysia from the umrah. Hope you are well and had a great umrah and had gained the umrah mabrur.

12 June 2006

atn said...

dah selamat sampai? Umrah Mabrook!

tee said...

kak teh :)

dah sampai Malaysia ye.. how's ur umrah ? alhamdulillah. baru aje baca n3 blown-away..

niway, salam to u n ur Mak.

Lydia Teh said...

KT, sorry to read about this. Where are you now? I've lost your tel no.

Blabs said...

Kak Teh, I am so happy to hear about your journey to the Holy Land. Everytime I hear about someone going there, my heart aches because I miss the place so much. There were a few "miracles" that took place the last time H and I were there back in 2004, and I'd like to share them with you, Insha'Allah with His grace, it'll help you. I'll pop you an email - just hope you get to read it!!

Anonymous said...

Kak Teh,

Saya mendoakan semoga Allah SWT memperkenankan hajat dan permintaan Kak teh. Semoga bonda yang kita cintai dilimpahi rahmat, belas-kasihan dan kasih sayang dari Allah SWT.

Moga perjalanan Kak Teh dipermudahkan Allah SWT.

Kak Teh said...

To everyone who sent their prayers and wishes - thank you. I am now back in London after a wonderful experience in Mekah and Madinah. Am hoping to blog abt it soon...Insyaallah.