Sunday, 12 February 2006

Be happy and take care of each other!

The last time I saw Pak Teh he had this silly grin on his smile, acting like a teenager in love. I even felt a tinge of envy and a lot of other unexplained emotions, but yes, I was happy for him. Since Mak Teh left after a long illness, he looked totally lost. And now, there was hope of a new lease of life.

He approached Mak, his eldest sister to tell her of his intentions.

‘Kak, saya nak kawin,” he announced and explained that the person to take the place of our beloved Mak Teh by his side, was someone he met at the surau. Looking at the state of him, in shirt all crumpled and looking very much neglected, Mak gave her smile of approval. After all, with children all married with their own families and in their own homes, who is to keep Pak Teh company in his twilight years. Yes, he was the same jovial self, clowning around and a joke a minute whenever he was with us, but at the end of the day, he cut a very lonely figure, driving his small Kancil home to an empty house.

It wasn’t a very easy first meeting for me with the new Mak Teh. I had always been jealously possessive of my aunts and uncles. When Tok Su took a second one when the first was still alive, it took me along time to bring myself to accept her. It was made especially difficult because they both have the same name...so it became Tok Su A and Tok Su B.

But this was a totally different situation. I told myself that Mak Teh was gone and never to return. Pak Teh needed looking after. And most important of all he needed companionship. Someone to ‘bergurau senda, berjeling manjalah!” Someone to rub his back and massage the old joints and someone to sit by his side in the Kancil to and from the surau.

And we shouldn’t deny him this. Yes, a replacement need not erase the memories of the old Mak Teh. She is still in our hearts and minds. Some children do jealously guard their fathers, especially from taking the place of their mothers. To a certain extent it must be hard to accept that another woman is taking the place of your mother. But I think this is just pure selfishness, without a care or consideration to the father’s needs.

When I received news that Abang is ready to accept someone in his life, I felt the same mixed emotions. But all for selfish reasons. We are not there all the time for Abang since Kak Piah left. And as Mak wisely puts it, “ Yang pi tu dah tentu pi, yang dok ada ni, sapa nak jaga?’

And from what I heard from the excited clan back home, Abang has the same silly smile on his face, acting like a teenager in love, all over again. And why not?

So, from thousands of miles away, across the oceans and divided by the deep blue seas, I send my sincerest wish and prayers for the couple who is to tie the knot soon. To Abang, be happy, and to the new Kak, welcome to chaotic and most of the time crazy family! And most of all...Take care of our Abang.

25 comments:

may said...

best wishes to pak teh, may he be blissfully happy with his new found love. and hugs to all :)

lieawulf said...

the more the merrier :D or rather, the more the crazier hehehe.

good luck kak teh n fam ;)

Noni said...

Best wishes to Pak Teh and Abang and their prospectives. I've always believed in romance and its nice to see it at work... (even more wonderful to experience it yourself)... i run Noni's poultry services sdn bhd on the side but somehow binis tak menjadi. Its probably the avian flu.

demonsinme said...

salam and salute to you kak teh,

first time here.

congrates and best of wishes for Pak Teh and Abang.

this is something i ponder much -

"when we say 'i love you's, does it mean that 'i own you'? or does it meant that, i'll be by you in everything that you want to do that would bring good to you?"

Beautiful Stranger said...

Love can happen at any time and have exactly the same effect on you as it did when you were 16 ... :)) I wish you would translate all you write in errrrr whatever language you break out into in the middle . I hate not knowing what is being said sometimes ... most of the time it's soooo exotic and feels so warm and fuzzy ... :)

MakNenek said...

congrats to Abang kak teh! may he find peace and happiness with his new bride like he did with the late kak piah. :)

Kak Teh said...

May, thanks - Pak teh is happily married and the new mak teh is very much a part of the family.
lieawulf, thanks - it'll be the more the crazier, I think!
noni, noni's poultry's service??? hmmm nak order ayam untuk aytam masak merah lah!
demonsinme, thanks for dropping by. That is indeed something worth pondering over.
beautiful stranger - aahaha - so so so sorry - i tend to go bilingual - will explain to u in the email and will do the translation soon!
maknenek - thanks - i hope they will be happy!

Anonymous said...

kak Teh

saya dah experienced these situations where my daddy at 80 married again after my mum passed away, my 3rd brother gave us a "new sis in law" in 1997 and the latest, another brother followed his step. So i now have 4 brothers, 6 sister in laws, and a step mum with 8 children!

whatever it is, congrats to Pak Teh and Abang, they need someone to teman them....and to take care of each other!

-kena stay anonymous-
but u know who i am....

pu1pu3 said...

KT,
Sometimes when these things happen (replacement of spouse when they are gone)resulting in a lot of happiness & sometimes it results in a lot of grief. When its the former, everyone is happy. Nonetheless, I have told my hubby that if I were to go first, I have told him to marry my bestfriend if she is still available. Of course he said he'd rather be single and raise our children on his own. Yela tu. Anyhow, it was then a coincidence that in one of the episode in Everybody Loves Raymond, there was an issue abt who the wife pick should the husband need to remarry when she's gone. And of course the wife would pick someone who's much like the wife and not a challenger in the looks department. Anyhow, its a boo-hoo subject when we are alive, so let's leave it at that, shall we?

bergen said...

Kak Teh, do you need someone to play the kompang? I never played one before but I reckon I can pull it off watching young kids doing it. It looks pretty easy.

Tell me if you need anything to make this a grand wedding of your Pak Teh. I need to pair up Aunt Su with someone fast if ever I want a shot ot playing the compang.

petalingstreet said...

i could never see my step mom as the replacement mother. for me, she is just abah's wife, though it's been almost 15 years.

ailin...in aalborg said...

If I were to go, I hope that Imad chooses another wife, one who will take care of my son the same way I do. And if she ever lays a hand on him, I will haunt her to her grave!!

anedra said...

all I can say is "HOW COME I DON'T KNOW THAT I HAVE A NEW TOKTEH PEREMPUAN??WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN?"

As for paklang, if there's anything we want it's for him to be happy! Here's to a beautiful life ahead!"

Kak Teh said...

anon, that's alot of new family members to take in! but tak apa, asalkan bahagia.
putri - hehehe its not something we want to talk masa hidup, kan?? because we dont want to know the answer.
ps, i know - it must be difficult for the children. I can understand that.
Bergen - hey! yes, what a good idea...a one man kompang troupe - is that possible?
ailin, that is our greatest fear, kan??
anedra - u pernah jumpa dia lah!

Nazrah said...

alhamdulillah...

dapat juga teman berbual...

my best wishes

LifeBloom said...

KT - Any change will take some getting used to. But your Abang seems to have found somebody to care and love him seadanya. Alhamdullilah. Yang selebihnya - kita berdoa so that their life will be blessed with mutual understanding, respect and happiness....

~ahni~ said...

Tahniah Pak Teh dan Abang Kak Teh!

dr in the house said...

I notice that the above 2 examples are men who had lost their wives and then remarried. But how about women who's lost their husband? They, usually would chose to remain single till they die. Does this mean that women are more loyal to their husband even when they've died?

Anonymous said...

hi kak teh,
I'm always wanted to write a comment or two here since I read your blogs few months ago.
I did come here almost everyday. A simple story with good narrator, will make a good one.
Even, I'm started my own blog, after I read yours.

But, this time, I can't help myself anymore. I was had the same feeling after my mum passed away 5 years back. I never trust any woman that can do like my mum. Even I felt been treaten if my dad get marry again. I know it was sound selfish, but I'm always pray that everything will be okay for the whole of the family.
I know many husbands tend to remarry after their wife passed away. Mostly due want to have a companion and someone to look after them. But not all, like my dad. I hope he is still happy even only with us without a wife.
But only God knows, right? For what he feel inside.

Jane Sunshine said...

Nice story for this valentine! Have a good one.

Ely said...

awwwwwwww, very nice KT!

easylady said...

kak teh, your brother found his new wife from the surau..so I presume she do her prayers and practice what a muslim should do.

Sometimes in the haste of finding a replacement to be their companion..men are trapped with new wife that gives them heart ache rather than pleasure..

Selamat pengantin baru kali kedua to your brother.

Ewok said...

"But I think this is just pure selfishness, without a care or consideration to the father’s needs."

KT,
I think it's not act of selfish when it was only 5 months after my mom passed away. We do need a mourning period and if he can't respect that, of course I'm entitled to be bitter.

Kak Lady said...

Kak Teh...it's the same, what happened to our 'bapak' 10 years back...

Bila arwah mak meninggal 12 tahun lalu...setahun bapak tu tinggal sendirian hingga satu hari dia demam di rumahnya tanpa siapa disisi, barulah dia bercadang utk mencari ganti...kerana semua anak2 perempuan telah mengikut suami masing2 & anak lelaki tinggal berasingan...memula ada adik2 yang membantah..tapi bila Lady beri sebab2 kenapa kita harus membenarkan ..barulah semua bersetuju....

Memang walaupun sudah ade makcik disisi bapak...tapi kenangan bersama arwah mak tidak pernah lekang dari bibir bapak..

Alhamdullillah...makcik menjadi bapak dengan baik.

And best wishes to Pak Teh & abang...moga kebahagian mereka berpanjangan....

ety said...

KT, terharu ME....sunyi tinggal sengsorang ni...elokla tu, ME doakan 'abang' bahgia, insyallah!.kita, ahli keluarga kena ada perasaan - 'empathy'...