And I was there , too

We were all there together after the wedding. Right there in the living room where we usually congregate – before meals, during meals and after meals. The kids were running around as usual, some people were still at the table, with their seconds or probably thirds. And there’s the usual banter. I was there. I am positive of that.

I had missed the wedding. But I heard about the tears of joy at the mosque during the akad. Within hours, I saw the pictures – all one hundred and something of them. We shared them through YM and Am sent me a link to his online photo album. And I could see what I missed. I could see the fun and joy reflected on the faces of my sisters and brothers and nieces and nephews. Close cousins came all the way from Bukit Pinang to help carry the hantaran. I felt a certain kind of sadness as I hate missing family occassions such as this but such is life when you choose to be away.

And then, some bright spark came up with the bright idea. Why not use the webcam when they were all gathering later for dinner later that night? Hmmm, why not? And so, that was how I got to be there at the family gathering that night. Thanks to the internet and technology!

After the initial problems of not getting the picture and sound quality right, adjusting myself right into the frame, we webcammed!!!! The children fought to be in front of the camera, and there were times only certain parts of someone’s body strayed into the screen, the occassional shot of someone's nostrils and the constant.. . “Dengark dak? dengark dak? Dia tak dengark kut!” On my side, children too fought to be seen, husband held his cats to the camera...what a scene!

At one point, little Hilman pushed his way to the front and said,”Mak Teh nyanyi, Mak Teh! Nyanyi lagu Siti!”

Now, my little nephews think the world of me and if you were to tell them that their Mak Teh can’t walk on water, they’d probably beat you up. So, I struggled with some verses of Siti’s but admitted defeat and offered Alleycats’ “Hingga Akhir Nanti” instead as I am more than familiar with that one. So there I was in the middle of the afternoon in springtime London belting away the song to my little fans some thousands of miles away. Aaaah, such is techology! I had to do this or I won’t have any peace when speaking to my Mak. The first time we tried to webcam with Mak, Mak wasn’t well and I really wanted to see Mak for myself to see the extent of her condition. They set up the internet connection and the webcam, and carried Mak upstairs.

I was nervous ‘cos I wasn’t really ready to see Mak in that condition. But suddenly the frame went blank. Apparently little Nasri had pulled out the plugs! Hmmm

This time, I saw Mak doing the slow walk to the computer, unaided! Alhamdulillah. I felt my chest tightening and worried about how my voice would sound.I wanted to be as cheerful as possible! And she finally sat there, chatting to me as she usually does, while folding the clothes from the washing line. There was still the annoying delay, but this was the best technology could offer and I was thankful for that. She could hear me on the speaker. Telephone conversations are now impossible as she is going a little hard of hearing.

I was there

And then out of the blue, she got up and unsteadily came straight to the screen and so, so close to the camera that I could see her tired eyes and all the wrinkles on her face. I had missed not looking after her and the feeling of guilt took over. I just had to close my eyes and try to stem the flow of hot tears down the cheeks. I could hear her calling out my name, as she usually did to wake me up for revision during exams or for morning prayers. When I opened them I realised that she had reached out to touch my face on the screen, not quite believing that I was not there, with them. So near and yet so far.

So, that was how I got to be there with them that night, the night of the wedding. I even got to speak to my new sister in law and got to see Abang’s endless smiles. And I got to see that look on Mak’s face – the look that says everything when she knew all her children were there with her. Even if it was for a little while.