Sunday, 20 November 2005

Confessions of an aunt

My dearest A,

You missed alot of fun during the last raya gathering cos you chose to do some more important (read: boring) things at the UN. So, here’s the story in brief. But I also take this opportunity to slip in a confession or two.

I wont talk about the food. Suffice to say, there were plenty. But we catered - no one bothered to cook and many a times your uncles slipped out and came back with mee goreng Shariff.
You know we have a ritual of taking family photographs, right? This year, two of your cousins fought to sit on my lap and I suffered under a combined weight of 24 stones that very nearly not only broke the chair but also my poor bones. They were Abang Am and Kak Oli – the oldest of your cousins who I used to balance on my lap and spoil them rotten. No, that is not the full story for if they have their own blogs or a say in this entry, I will be arrested by the NSPCC.

So, I will confess and tell the truth and nothing but the truth.

You know that I have a reputation among my siblings, your mum included, one they have viciously circulated among their children in my absence, adding this and that making a mountain out of a mole hill. It also doesn’t help that their children too (you included) have memories so strong of their Mak Teh that they have now passed on to their children. And I think this is so unfair. I now wonder why your younger cousins eyed me suspiciously everytime I approached them with presents. "Beware the one bearing presents", they must have said.

I thank God that our family is such a fertile lot that during my visits home, I would always be greeted by an addition - a newborn niece or nephew and now I even have grand nephews. But the sad thing is that the parents watched me like hawks. They have even formed a protective circle around sleeping babies and this really breaks my heart. Even memories of them doing so bring tears to my eyes as I am never allowed near any of my cuddly wuddly nieces and nephews, whose chubby cheeks I love to pinch and whose tiny toes and fingers I love to bite. Oooooh, and those delicious little ears! I love talking to them and waking them from their deep, peaceful sleep, much to the annoyance of their parents.

I really don’t understand the fuss – babies do go back to sleep, when they are tired. (Or when I am tired). What is a pinch or two? Or a bite and lots of hugs and gomois that usually leave them breathless? It is all done in the name of love and affection of an aunt.

My own children to this day endure my pinch on their less chubby cheeks. They have grown into quite normal adults, none showing any signs of being mentally scarred by what I subjected them to. Don’t you think so too?

Come to think of it, my nieces and nephews have done rather well inspite of or perhaps because of the Mak Teh treatment. I treasure Eena and Wani’s company as we ventured out to KL – they are now my partners in crime. But I must say this, I still have a lot of apprehensions and fear being driven by Kak Di. I fear her little feet couldn’t reach the pedals. But hey! Zhafri – wa caya lu lah! You know, he has grown into quite a hemsem young man! But I wonder why he speaks into his pillows so much! Hish, budak2 muda ni! And I suspect Am and Oli who sat on my laps were just doing so to actually break my bones to get back at me!

But A, I have one heartbreaking story to tell you.
When it suited them, your parents, allowed you to sleep with me. I truly enjoyed changing your nappies and pinching your cheeks – well, both, in the process. But one weekend, I came back from college with mumps. And Olah (your maid), didn’t know any better and allowed you to sleep in my bed. That night, your mum, aided and abetted by your dad, sneeked in and took you away from my side. And I cried myself to sleep and promised that when I have my own children, no one will ever take them away from my side ever again.

Anyway, this trip, I was really delighted to see the youngest addition to the family, Sofea, but she has lost lots of the chubbiness but still delicious enough to be eaten alive. But I wonder what Pak Ajie and Kak Nisa have told her cos she has this defensive gestures whenever I went near her, even when she was asleep. They have even taken to sleeping with their arms protectively around her at night. In the day time, she walked around covering her cheeks when I was near.

Anyway, I was not alone in 'torturing' these little children, you know. Well, Tok doesn’t have Astro and we needed to amuse ourselves. So, we took turns. Don't be fooled by Pak Su's banker look, which hid a real sadist in him. We pretended to hit the mother and gleefully watched her cry. This we did several times. I even have them on video and you can watch on your return. Even Kak Nisa and Pak Ajie joined in with the worst mental torture a child have to endure. It went like this: "Sofea sayang sapa? Mama ke Papa?” If she said Mama, Pak Ajie pretended to cry. When she said Papa, Kak Nisa pretended to cry leaving her so traumatised and confused. And they say I am cruel! But we had such fun. We used to do that to you too.

But I have to confess to one other thing that I did and which to this day I am most shameful to talk about. I hope that when little Hilman grows up, he will find it in his generous heart to forgive me.

You know that Hilman is very much a fan of Siti Nurhaliza. Who isn’t? I happened to have a picture of Siti and me in London. I also happened to have a raya SMS from Dato Lat, which says “Selamat Hari Raya from the three of us: Siti Nurhaliza 0123456789
Mawi: 0198765432 dan yang terglamour, Lat and family (his number). So, overcome by a wicked thought, I told Hilman that I have Siti’s number (fake of course!) and he pestered me to phone Siti, for 4 year old Hilman wanted to propose to her – and warn off Dato K! So, I was in a real fix and had to rope in your dear sister in this sting. I gave her half an hour’s notice to practice being Siti . (Sorry, Siti – Kak Teh minta ampun!)

Much later and after more presterings from a love struck Hilman, I called ‘Siti’ (and this I have on video which will be shown during my confession when Hilman comes of age). Your dear sister, I must say, did pretty well and even agreed to his proposal, much to the surprise of your Bro in law sitting by her side. Hilman, to say the least was beaming! BUT trust your sister not to know any of Siti’s songs – so when he asked her to sing, Jeling Menjeling, she suggested lagu Balik Kampung instead!

Anyway, I sighed a sigh of relief when Hilman went to sleep with a smile on his face, still clutching the photo. I didnt have the heart to pinch him and disturb his dreams.

So, my dearest A, we missed you and to the rest of my nieces and nephews, I am sorry, Mak Teh






27 comments:

nENn said...

Can I ask if you are a Perak-ian? My bf's aunt is from Perak and she has this same fetish of pinching all the baby's cheeklaa, pure2 "ngap" their chubby feet or hands. Samapi menangis2 budak2 tu. Mmg kelakar bile ingat balik after reading ur entry ni. Bley imagine!eheheh

Nazrah said...

awww, this is such an endearing note to A.

DEWA said...

yerlahhh..nak kasi note kat si A tu pun kena mention si S*** ngan M*** ker...ishh dah ler orang sakit gigi nih.

Kak Teh said...

no nenn I am not from Perak but this cubit fetish tak kenal negeri..hehe!
nazrah - yes - miss him loads.
dewa - ish pi lah cabut gigi tu! orang larang jangan makan coklat banyak sangat tak nak dengar!

Siti Norhanedra said...

hahaha!! Kesian Siti, time nak facial pun kena kacau!!

That was fun, fun, fun! I'd do it again. Let's! QUick! before Hilman grows up and sees through the whole scam!!

drbubbles said...

hahahaha...dah dengaq dalam van pasal hilman tu.memang kelakar!boleh percaya budak tu kena tipu dek anedra!

yang benar,

supir

Kak Teh said...

Siti Nurhanendra, yes, but u better practice your singing! kena pulah siti nurhanendra ni flat-toner! Hilman will never forgive us!
Is the supir - thanks loads - am sure u can use some of my tricks too!

Ms.B said...

Patutlah!! Aunty and niece in crime!!! But I FULLY encourage such sinister behaviour!! Kids are meant to be loved AND tormented!! *evil laugh*

noha chomel said...

kak teh,

saya ingat saya je yg suka cubit/gigit pipi ke, tangan ke, jari jemari babies..hehhe...sampai sekarang, kalau geram, saya gigit-gigit lengan nurin...

Kak Teh said...

blabs, am glad you approve of this. Now we know where to get legal advise! hehe
noha chomel, kak teh pantang tengok depa tidor - mesti kacau!

sweethuneyz said...

jgn kata kakteh sorang... i pon kalau jer ada addition baru in my anak buah nye line.... i will always go for the yummy-licious soft ears.... geram... cam nak gigit2 gitu... sometimes i do imagine that how issit if i bite too hard.... and the ear ter-cabut...? heahheahea.... my sis-in-laws jeling jer...but they are ok... hehhee but.. tell me, who can resist those yummy, delicious, soft ears?? i cant, for sure. bab, cubit2 pipi tu... i tak buat sangat ah for infants... but i cldnt resisit to cubit my mum's cheeks everytime i got the opportunity... hehehe... at most, she just shrugs it off... heaehhea

thinktankgal said...

KakTeh...I think I have the habit too of mencubit my nieces and nephews...especially to their chubby cheeks...Nak gomoi depa aje..he!he!he!

Jane Sunshine said...

Ha ha ha ha. I was just abt to send you a mail to ask how was your holiday and what were you up to while back home. The last thing I would have thought was that you have been going around tormenting the young 'uns!!! V.V.cute.

may said...

I used to like "pinching" the cheeks of babies and cute kids. But I'm always reminded how painful it was when my aunts / uncles did that to me when I was a chubby kid, and oooooh... I stopped after that! Skarang pura-pura je lah, put my thumb and finger together against the chubby cheeks of a cutie and brush it slightly... heheh!

p.s. Loved the story.

Kak Teh said...

oooh banyaknya pipi pinchers!we shd all form a pipi pinchers club and study ways of pinching..without hurting lah!

OOD said...

can u get Mawi to propose to me?

psst, i cant 'read' the word verification, this may take a few tries..

meme said...

kak teh, i'm not much into mengigit and mencubit. such a pity because all my kids are really chubby2 type (dah gene nya gitu) hehe.. but i don't mind if people do that to my kids.. would welcome you to do that.. tunggu i berjalan ke london nanti :) the youngest one is now 5 months old..

AuntyN said...

Nasib baik, pipi dah tak gebu dah, :-), :-) Tidak tu mesti dah kena cubit dengan Kak Teh tu.

RojakBuah said...

cubit je tak per....tk luak sikit pun kan Kak teh....

dr in the house said...

I have a onfession to make too! I onced took the opportunity to pinch real hard on the chubby thighs of a baby when no one was watching! You should have heard the baby's wail!!Heheh...mesti lebam berhari hari tuh!
We sure have our sadist side huh!

2wenty3hree said...

babies are made in such a way, baby fats and all, to be gomolled, gurgled, pinched, geram-ed at and the whole lot.

my baby cousins are all victims to my sisters and my own geram-ness.

suriyati said...

Kak TEh,
Your story reminded me of my late grandmother from my father side.. She loves to hugs, which am not.. like the way you mentioned.. that was when I was young.. I remembered that I try to push it because.. it is darn breathless.. :)

All and all, it's a good memory..

Maya said...

KakTeh,

I am keeping the little ones in my family safely away from you. Absolutely.

When I was little I got pinched so much that I swore never to do that to any one...oh mannnnnnnnn...OK so I was cute and chubby and all that, but I am scared for life!

I literally ran and hid under beds and behind doors and once even in a humongous tembikar. When I smell the pinchers in the family coming my bulu on my back would stand erect and I'd go to irrational lengths to hide. Yes, very traumatic. Then finally I turned into an ugly duckling at abt 7 or 8 years ever since I have been trying to unscar myself :)

Oh, I must add this tho...during my very first year in Chennai I got royally butt-pinched while I was trying to get into a crowded public bus! OH MAN!! will never ever forget that. Jeeezzz...one trauma to be replaced by another. I couldnt help it if that part of my anatomy was tempting then, but I rest assured it isnt anymore! :)

Lady K said...

kak teh...ada tak rasa nak cubit pipi saya??? heheh

LifeBloom said...

Kak Teh

I came across your blog in a roundabout way and this is no lie -your words just warms me to my toes. I envy all your relatives! It must be wonderful to have you in their lives (despite the torture that they endure!!)

Yours is definitely going to be fave from now on...

Count Byron said...

Kak Teh
Extremely wonderfully crafted. I love every note and music in your sadistic ventures.

Kak Teh said...

thank you everyone for wonderful comments - in return will come back and give each of u a pinch..